I was a bully boy.
I was so loud and aggressive.
I didn’t respect anyone and I didn´t know how to behave.
I could be a jerk.
But I was my own worst enemy.
It´s one of the biggest things that happened to me when I went to college.
I would go home, be alone with myself, and it was like being a bully.
I felt ashamed.
I was in a class with a bunch of bullies.
I hated them.
It was horrible.
I used to go home crying because I hated myself.
I just didn´T know how I would act in the classroom, because I couldn´t understand why people were being such a bitch.
But I was in the class that was the most violent and the most homophobic, so I thought that was okay.
The first year I came to school I was like, Oh my god, this is terrible.
The school was all like, I don´t like this person.
I had a lot of issues with racism and I was just the opposite of the racist people.
I just wanted to be nice.
I wanted to make everyone happy.
I never really liked people who were different.
I started to have issues with homophobia and then with racism, so it took me a while to get to a place where I would have my own kind of social circle and my own space to be myself.
I thought maybe I should just have to grow up and be like everybody else.
It was hard.
I would be like, “I don´T want to go to a school with a lot black people.
There are a lot more white people there.
I don’t want to be that person.”
I had this feeling of being so alone and like I didnít belong.
It got to the point where I felt like I couldnít really do anything.
I started to think, If I can´t be the person I want to see in my own school, what can I really do to be a good student?
My first year in college, I would do whatever it took to be the best person in the world.
I got a lot worse in my senior year.
I became this bully boy who would punch my friends, spit on them, hit them.
I had suicidal thoughts.
It just got to me.
I really wanted to get into college, but I didn�t.
I did not want to lose my life.
I wanted to live.
I knew that I was supposed to live, but every day I wanted more and more and I just couldn´tis live anymore.
I decided to go back to high school and go back and see my friends.
I saw so many people in the hallways and I knew they were my friends and I needed to be in that group.
I really wanted a place for my friends to hang out, because they were all my friends now.
I did everything I could to be friends with everybody.
I went out to parties.
I tried to hangout with the students.
I even went out with the janitor and went out dancing.
But when I would meet people, I couldn’t be friends.
They were like, What are you doing?
I couldn’t even tell them.
They knew me, but they were like I can’t be that type of person in school.
I couldn`t even go to the library with my friends because I was such a bully and it just wasn’t fair.
And it took a while.
Eventually, I was able to break away and go out with my best friends and make friends, but it was just a matter of time before I was on campus.
At one point I got in trouble for something I did.
My mom and dad were very worried about me and my family because I had been in trouble with the police for a lot longer than I had in high school.
I thought that I had to do something to get out of there.
My mother was like this, This is it.
She wanted me to go get a job.
So I went home and started looking for a job, and then I started working for a year.
I worked really hard to get my life in order.
But, it was hard, because of the pressure.
My parents would always tell me, You have to make it to college, you have to do your homework, and you have a lot to prove.
And I was always like, My parents are saying that?
You have a job to go out and prove to them.
I tried really hard, but then I just got in a big depression.
I mean, I couldnt even talk about it.
I said, You know, I am not going to do it.
So my mom got very upset and she would come home and I would be in bed all day, crying.
I could not talk to her.
I needed to get a divorce.
And I needed a job